Think Like a Monk
🗣El libro en 3 Frases
- Para pensar como un monje hay que cultivarse a sí mismo, desde el interior pero proyectado a servir a los demás.
- Para vivir una vida con propósito, es necesario concentrarse en el momento.
- Ten una mentalidad siempre abierta al aprendizaje, ya que allí es donde reside la verdadera felicidad.
Es el libro del que más apuntes tomé, me debió haber gustado mucho. Hubo un momento en el que lo quise dejar de leer, pero una vez dejé que todo fluyera, me sentí muy tranquilo con haber adquirido todo el conocimiento que Jay nos quiere transmitir mediante su libro. Creo que es uno de esos libros a los que uno tiene que volver varias veces después de haberlos leído, seguramente por eso mi subconsciente estaba tan pendiente de cualquier detalle para apuntarlo o destacarlo.
📚¿Quién Debería Leerlo?
Creo que cualquier persona. Jay tiene una forma muy particular de quitarnos de la mente varios paradigmas que no nos dejan vivir como realmente deberíamos hacerlo. Lo que él comenta son cosas, en su mayoría sabidas por nosotros, pero no practicadas.
🔄Cómo me Cambió el Libro
Creo que algo que hizo fue desmitificar creencias comunes como: “la gratitud no sirve de nada” o “la felicidad nos la dan las cosas materiales”. Por eso, creo que el mayor cambio que logró el libro en mi fue en términos de mentalidad, lo mejor que tiene el libro es que es tan práctico que siento que no se me olvidará lo que aprendí.
🗝Mis 3 Frases Favoritas
Las pondré en inglés para no tergiversar con la traducción alguna parte de su significado.
- Life is more meaningful when we define ourselves by our intentions rather than our achievements.
- Dharma isn’t just passion and skills, dharma is passion in the service of others.
- The world isn’t with you or against you. You create your own reality in every moment.
🔖Apuntes + Notas
No quise tergiversar mediante la traducción (quizá inapropiada) lo que el libro comenta, entonces para leer esta parte, podrías utilizar el traductor de Google y así sentir que el autor te está hablando directamente.
Part One: Let Go
Identity: I am What I Think I am
- “It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection” –Bhagavad Gita 3.35
- We live in a perception of a perception of ourselves, and we’ve lost our real selves as a result
- Society’s definition of a happy life is everybody’s and nobody’s. The only way to build a meaningful life is to filter out that noise and look within
- When we are buried in nonessentials, we lose track of what is truly significant
- Our values are influenced by whatever absorbs our minds
- When we fill up our lives and leave ourselves no room to reflect, those distractions become our values by default
- Three ways to create space for reflection:
- On a daily basis, sit down to reflect on how the day went and what emotions you are feeling
- Once a month, go to someplace you’ve never been to before to explore yourself in a different environment
- Take stock of how we are filling the space that we have and whether those choices reflect our true values
- Choices come along every day, and we can begin to weave values into them
- Who you talk to, what you watch, what you do with your time: all of these sources push values and beliefs. If you are just going from one day to the next without questioning your values, you’ll be swayed by what everyone else wants you to think.
### Negativity: The Evil King Goes Hungry
- When we look for the good in others, we start to see the best in ourselves too
- Negativity –in conversations, emotions, and actions– often springs from a threat to one of the three needs: a fear that bad things are going to happen (loss of peace), a fear of not being love (loss of love), or a fear of being disrespected (loss of understanding)
- The instinct for agreement has a huge impact on our lives. It is one of the reasons why, in a culture of complaint, we join the fray.
- Cortisol, the same stress hormone that takes a toll on the hippocampus, also impairs your immune system (and has loads of other harmful effects).
- Types of negative people:
- Complainers, who complain endlessly without looking for solutions
- Cancellers, who take a compliment and spin it
- Casualties, who think the world is against them and blame their problems on others
- Critics, who judge others for either having a different opinion or not having one
- Commanders, who realize their own limits but pressure others to succeed
- Competitors, who compare themselves to others, controlling and manipulating to make themselves or their choices look better.
- Controllers, who monitor and try to direct how their friends or partners spend time
- Don’t judge someone with a different disease. Don’t expect anyone to be perfect. Don’t think you are perfect.
- Strategies to deal with negative people:
- Become an objective observer
- “There is no commandment that says that we have to be upset by the way other people treat us. The reason we are upset is because we have an emotional program that says, ‘If someone is nasty to me, I cannot be happy or feel good about myself’… Instead of reacting compulsively and retaliating, we could enjoy our freedom as human beings and refuse to be upset”. Catholic monk Father Thomas Keating
- When someone hurts you, it’s because they’re hurt. Their hurt is simply spilling over. They need help.
- Back slowly away
- The 25/75 principle
- Aim for the feeling that at least 75% of your time is spent with people that inspire you rather than bring you down.
- Allocate time
- Regulate how much time you allow a person to occupy based on their energy
- Don’t be a saviour
- The desire to save others is ego-driven. Don’t let your own needs shape your response.
- Become an objective observer
- The more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are.
- The key to real freedom is self-awareness.
- To purify our thoughts, monks talk about the process of awareness (spot), adressing (stop) and ammending (swap).
- Negative projections and suspicions reflect our own insecurities and get in our way
- When we are stressed, we hold our breath or clench our jaws. We slump in defeat or tense our shoulders. Throughout the day, observe your physical presence.
- Happy people tend to complain mindfully
- Monks don’t hinge their choices and feelings on others behaviors.
- Levels of transformational forgiveness:
- I do not forgive you no matter what
- If they apologize then I will
- I forgive you and expect nothing back
- I forgive you no matter what you did
- Sometimes, when we feel shame or guilt for what we have done in the past, it’s because those actions no longer reflect our values. Now, we look at our former selves, we don’t relate to their decisions. This is good news.
- If you want the negativity between yourself and another person to dissipate, you have to hope that you both heal. You don’t have to tell them directly, but send the energy of well-wishing out into the air. This is when you feel most free and at pace–because you are scared that it will happen to your family and hoping to avoid it.
- We should challenge ourselves to dig to the root of negativity, to understand its origins in ourselves and those around us, and to be mindful and deliberate in how we manage the energy it absorbs.
### Fear: Welcome to Hotel Earth
- Relive a fear from our past: not just imagine it but feel it in our bodies. Uncover, accept and create a new relationship with our deepest fears.
- As you develop your relationship with your fear, you’ll have to distinguish between branches and the root.
- If we learn how to recognize what fear can teach us about ourselves and what we value, then we can use it as a tool to obtain greater meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in our lives. We can use fear to get the best of us.
- We waste a lot of time and energy trying to stay in the comfortable bubble of our self-made Biospheres. We fear the stresses and challenges of change, but those stresses and challenges are the wind that makes us stronger.
- Being able to successfully dealing with intermittent stressors contributes to better health, along with greater feelings of accomplishment and well-being.
- The process of learning to work with fear isn’t just about doing a few exercises that solve everything, it’s about changing your attitude toward fear.
- What are you really scared of?
- Talking to our fear separates it from us and helps us understand that the fear is not us, it is something we’re experiencing.
- Try shifting from I am angry to I feel angry. A simple change but a profound one, because because it puts our emotions in their rightful place.
- Distinction between useful and hurtful fears
- Useful fears: ones that make us change
- Hurtful fears: unuseful fears to have since we cannot change anything about them
- When we acknowledge that all of our blessings are like a fancy rental car or a beautiful Airbnb, we are free to enjoy them without living in constant fear of losing them.
- Fear makes us fiction writers.
- Avoid asking questions like “what if” and instead, ask yourself “what is”
- Instead of judging the moment, we need to accept our situation and whatever came of it, focusing on what we can control.
- Life isn’t a collection of unrelated events, it’s a narrative that stretches into the past and the future.
- When you are hired for a job, take a moment to reflect on all the lost jobs and/or failed interviews that led to this victory.
- The more we practice looking in the rear-view mirror and finding gratitude for the hard times we have experienced, the more we start to change our programming
- It’s often said that when the fear of staying the same outweighs the fear of change, that is when we change
- Fear motivates us. Sometimes it motivates us toward what we want, but sometimes, if we aren’t careful, it limits us with what we think will keep us safe.
### Intention: Blinded by the Gold
- Think about your motivations. Be curious about what you might learn from the process.
- The four motivations:
- Fear: being driven by “sickness, poverty, fear of hell or fear of death” Thakura
- Desire: seeking personal gratification through success, wealth, and pleasure
- Duty: motivated by gratitude, responsibility, and the desire to do the right thing
- Love: compelled by care for others and the urge to help them
- The problem with fear is that it’s not sustainable. When we operate in fear for a long time, we can’t work to the best of our abilities.
- We think that success equals happiness, but this idea is an illusion.
- Gold dust is beautiful, but come too close, and it will blur your vision
- Our search is never for a thing, but for the feeling we think the thing will give us
- Material gratification is external, but happiness is internal.
- We all have different goals, but we all want the same things: a life full of joy and meaning. Monks don’t seek out the joy part
- We can take on more when we’re doing it for someone we love or to serve a purpose we believe in rather than from the misguided idea that we will find happiness through success.
- Your intention is who you plan to be in order t act with purpose and feel that what you do is meaningful
- To live intentionally we must dig to the deepest why behind the want
- External goals cannot fill internal voids.
- “Everything you do in the day from washing to eating breakfast, having meetings, driving to work … watching television or deciding instead to read … everything you do is your spiritual life. It is only a matter of how consciously you do these ordinary things…” Laurence Freeman
- “I wish” is code for “I don’t want to do anything differently”
- Life is more meaningful when we define ourselves by our intentions rather than our achievements
- When you identify your intentions, they reveal your values.
- Once you know the why behind the want, consider the work behind the want.
- The focus is on the process, not the outcome.
- If you have a clear and confident sense of why you took each step, then you are more resilient.
- Living intentionally means stepping back from external goals, letting go of outward definitions of success, and looking within.
### Meditation: Breathe
- In getting you where you want to be, meditation may show you what you don't want to see
Part Two: Grow
Purpose: The Nature of the Scorpion
- We need flexibility in order to access every corner of study and growth.
- Dharma can be seen as the combination of varna and seva.
- Think of varna as passion and skills. Seva is understanding the world’s needs and selflessly serving others.
- When your natural talents and passions (your varna) connect with what the universe needs (seva) and become your purpose, you are living in your dharma.
Who you are is not what you say, but how you behave
You can’t be anything you want, but you can be everything you are.
Pay attention, cultivate self-awareness, feed your strengths, and you will find your way. And once you discover your dharma, pursue it.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life” Steve Jobs
Play hardest in your area of strength and you’ll achieve depth, meaning, and satisfaction in your life.
We have to be able to answer this question: how can we move more of our time & energy toward doing things we are good at and love?
Do your own dharma perfectly instead of trying to do anyone else's
Look for opportunities to do what you love in the life you already have.
Link the feeling of passion to the experience of learning and growth.
The intention with which we approach our work has a tremendous impact on the meaning we gain from it and our personal sense of purpose.
Sometimes when we tap into our dharma, it carves out the time for us.
For things you are not good at and don’t love, you should hurt the pocket and save the mind (outsource).
When you are satisfied in your dharma, you can, without envy or ego, appreciate others who are good at another skill.
There are four varnas, and knowing your varna tells you your nature and competence.
The four varnas are the Guide, the Leader, the Creator, and the Maker
We strive toward sattva through letting go of ignorance, working in our passion, and serving in goodness.
The point of the varnas is to help you understand yourself so you can focus on your strongest skills and inclinations. Self-awareness gives you more focus.
Invest in your strengths and surround yourself with people who can fill in the gaps.
The first and most critical question to ask when you are exploring your varna is: did I enjoy the process?
Past beliefs, false or self deceiving, sneak in to block our progress. Fears prevent us from trying new things. Our egos get in the way of learning new information and opening ourselves to grow. And nobody ever has time to change. But miracles happen when you embrace your dharma.
Instead of listening to our minds, we must pay attention to how an idea or activity (our dharma) feels in our bodies:
- Alive: calm and confident satisfaction
- Flow: natural momentum
- Comfort: we don’t feel alone or out of place
- Consistency: being on our dharma bears repeating.
- Positivity and growth: when we are aware of our own strengths, we’re more confident, we value other’s abilities more, and we feel less competitive.
It is our responsibility to demonstrate and defend our dharma
Understanding your dharma is key to knowing when and how to leave another activities behind.
Dharma isn’t just passion and skills, dharma is passion in the service of others.
### Routine: Location Has Energy; Time Has Memory
- Commit to the process
- There are only six cars that can go from zero to sixty miles per hour in under two seconds. Like most cars, humans are not built for sudden transitions (like revising our phones immediately after waking up).
- When you start the morning with high pressure and high stress, you are programming the body to operate in that mode for the rest of the day.
- The goal is to give you enough time to move with intention and do things completely.
- The morning is defined by the evening
- Before you go to sleep, figure out the first things you want to achieve tomorrow.
- If you are spending your morning deciding what to eat, what to wear, and what tasks to tackle first, the accumulating choices complicate things unnecessarily
- Don’t program yourself to wake up with bad energy. The emotion you fall asleep with at night is most likely the emotion you’ll wake up with in the morning.
- The goal of all this preparation is to bring intentionality to the entire day.
- Truly noticing what’s around us keeps our brains from shifting to autopilot.
- Monks understand that routine frees your mind, but the biggest threat to that freedom is monotony. It is precisely doing the familiar that creates room for discovery.
- Chew your drinks and drink your food.
- We can awaken the familiarity of home by changing things up
- Appreciating the everyday doesn’t even have to involve change so much as finding value in everyday activities.
- “Yesterday is but a dream. Tomorrow is only a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope” Kalidasa
- Being present is the only way to live a truly rich and full life
- The more your personal spaces are devoted to single, clear purposes, the better they will serve you, not just in the fulfilment of your dharma but in your mood and productivity.
- When you identify where you thrive, focus on expanding those opportunities.
- Choose sounds that make you feel happier and healthier
- Location has energy; time has memory. If you do something at the same time every day, it becomes easier and natural. If you do something in the same space everyday, it becomes easier and natural.
- Single-tasking as much as possible keeps your brain in the habit of focusing on one thing at a time.
- Change happens with small steps and big priorities.
- If something is important, it deserves to be experienced deeply. And everything is important.
- If you’ve ever spent the day jumping on and off calls, in and out of meetings, ordering this book from Amazon and checking that thread on Snapchat, you know that feeling of exhaustion you have at the end of it all? It’s a dopamine hangover
- The ocean is full of treasures, but if you swim on the surface, you won’t see them all.
The Mind: The Charioteers’s Dilemma
- True growth requires understanding the mind-
- “For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his very mind will be the greatest enemy” Bhagavad Gita.
- When we procrastinate, there’s a conflict between what researchers call our “should-self” and our “want-self”.
- Our thoughts are like clouds passing by. The self, like the sun, is always there. We are not our minds.
- The first step to understanding our minds is to simply becoming aware of the different voices inside us
- The senses are responsible for our desires and attachments, and they pull us in the direction of impulsivity, passion, and pleasure, destabilising the mind. Monks calm the senses in order to calm the mind.
- Pain is a twofold sensation –we feel some of it physically and some of it emotionally.
- Don’t tease your own senses, don’t set up yourself to fail.
- From a monks perceptive, the greatest power is self-control, to train the mind and energy, to focus on your dharma.
- Change begins with the words inside your head.
- Talking to yourself not only boosts your memory, it also helps you focus.
- If you’re unsatisfied, or criticising yourself, or feeling hopeless, don’t let that stall you out. Identify the ways you’re making progress, and you will begin to see, feel, and appreciate the value of what you are doing.
- Reframe your self-criticism in terms of knowledge. When you hear yourself say “I’m bored, I’m slow, I can’t do this”, respond to yourself: “You are working on it. You are improving.” This is a reminder to yourself that you are making progress.
- Putting a solution oriented spin on your statement reminds you to be proactive and take responsibility rather than languishing in wishful thinking.
- Use the awareness of what deep pain really is to keep smaller disruptions in perspective.
- When your mind is anxious and racing, when your thoughts are repetitive and unproductive, when you need to press pause, take fifteen minutes to write down every thought that enters your mind.
- One of the benefits of the writing may have been helping students render their worst experiences as a coherent narrative
- When anxious thoughts arise, instead of indulging them, we respond with compassion.
- The Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them unto you. To that, add: treat yourself with the same love and respect you want to show to others
- When your mind continually returns to thoughts of the past or the future, look for clues in the present.
- The Gita defines detachment as doing the right thing for its own sake, because it needs to be done, without worrying about success or failure.
- “Detachment is not that you own nothing, but that nothing should own you” Ali, cousin of the Prophet Muhammed
- Often all that holds us back from achieving the impossible is the belief that it is impossible
- Instead of reactively doing what we want, we proactively evaluate the situation and do what is right
- When you know the pain has value you are able to push yourself mentally and physically
- Bring patience and understanding when you are low on motivation, unfocused or anxious.
Ego: Catch Me If You Can
- Real ego v. False ego
- The real ego is our very essence–the consciousness that makes us aware and awake to reality.
- The false ego is an identity crafted to preserve our sense of being the most significant, the most important, the one who knows everything
- If you are satisfied with who you are, you don’t need to prove your worth to anyone else
- Reflect on the you who emerges when nobody else is around, no one to impress, no one with something to offer you. That is a glimpse into who you truly are.
- Insecurities make us want to convince ourselves and everyone else that we’re special, so we contrive a dishonest version of ourselves in order to appear more knowledgeable, more accomplished, more confident.
- The ego doesn’t want to be better. It wants to be seen as better.
- Building a facade of confidence and knowledge isn’t the only strategy the false ego uses to convince itself and everyone else that it’s great. It also goes to greater lengths to put other people down–because if others are “less than” we are, then we must be special.
- When success goes to our heads, we forget that everyone is equal.
- The arrogant ego desires respect, whereas the humble worker inspires respect.
- Whenever you think someone’s status or worth is less than yours, turn your gaze back toward yourself and look for why your ego feels threatened.
- In the act of criticising others for failing to live up to the highest standards, we ourselves are failing to live up to the highest standards.
- If we aren’t open-minded, we deny ourselves opportunities to learn, grow and change.
- It isn’t just individuals whose egos limit their perspectives
- When you presume knowledge, you put up a barrier that nothing can cross, and miss out on a potential learning opportunity.
- Don’t live in a world where you start thinking you’re so special that one person is worth your time and another isn’t
- If you inspire special treatment, it is because people appreciate you, but when you demand or feel entitled to it, you are looking for respect that you haven’t earned
- If you don’t break your ego, it will break you
- Low self-esteem is the flip side of an inflated ego. If we are not everything, then we are nothing.
- True humility is seeing what lies between extremes. I’m great at some things and not so good at others.
- In the darkness of the ego we think we’re special and powerful and significant, but when we look at ourself in the context of the great universe, we see that we only play a small part.
- Some tasks build competence, and some build character.
- The two things to remember are the bad we’ve done to others and the good others have done for us.
- The two things that we are told to forget are the good we’ve done for others and the bad others have done to us.
- Salt is so humble that when something goes wrong it takes the blame, and when everything goes right, it doesn’t take credit.
- “Unforgiveness is like cancer. It will eat you from inside out” Mary Johnson
- Ego doesn’t disappear, but we can observe it and limit its power over us.
- Some mistreatment is unacceptable. But it’s useful to look beyond the moment, at the bigger picture of the person’s experience
- Detachment is liberating. When we aren’t defined by our accomplishments, it takes the pressure off.
- Humility comes from accepting where you are without seeing it as a reflection of who you are
- So often we don’t take chances because we fear failure, and that often boils down to a fear of our egos getting hurt. If we can get past the idea that we’ll break if everything doesn’t go our way immediately, our capabilities expand exponentially
- No matter where I am, if I use this time wisely, I can make this evening (or morning) meaningful and purposeful, just as I would in my preferred place, or I can waste it in self-pity and regret.
- When you fail, instead of giving in to a sense of victimhood, think of the moment as a humility anchor, keeping you grounded. Then ask yourself, “what is going to restore my confidence?” It won’t grow from an external factor that’s beyond your control.
- Ego v. Self-esteem
- Fears what people will say
- Compares to others
- Wants to prove themselves it knows everything
- Pretends to be strong
- Wants people to respect them
- Filters what people say
- Compares to themselves
- Wants to be themselves
- Can learn from anyone
- Is ok being vulnerable
- Respect self & others
- When you ask for feedback, choose your advisors wisely.
- Some of the most useful feedback is unsolicited, even unintentional.
- Instead of letting your achievements go to your head, detach from them.
- You are not your success or your failure
- The measure of success isn’t numbers, it’s depth.
- Overcoming your ego is a practice, not an accomplishment.
- Real greatness is when you use your own achievements to teach others, and they learn how to teach others, and the greatness that you’ve accomplished expands exponentially.
- The most powerful, admirable, captivating quality in any human is seen when the’ve achieved great things, but still embrace humility and their own significance.
### Meditation: Visualise
- In order to create something we have to imagine it.
- Visualisation creates real changes in our bodies
- Meditation does not eliminate distractions, it manages them.
Part Three: Give
Gratitude: The World’s Most Powerful Drug
- Gratitude is the feeling of appreciation when “you recognise that something is valuable to you, which has nothing to do with monetary worth” David Steindl-Rast
- Gratitude helps us overcome the bitterness and pain that we all carry with us.
- When we feel grateful, our brain releases dopamine (the reward chemical), which makes us want to feel that way again, and we begin to make gratitude a habit.
- If anything has hit you hard emotionally, gratitude is the answer
- We will be grateful and thankful and we will not overlook even the least favor done to us
- Imagine what the world might be like if we all started our day giving thanks for the most basic and essential gift of life all around us.
- Even if your life isn’t perfect, build your gratitude like a muscle. If you train it now, it will only strengthen over time.
- Don’t judge the moment. As soon as you label something as bad, your mind starts to believe it.
- Helen Keller, who became deaf and bling as a toddler after an unidentified illness, wrote, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us”
- When something doesn’t go your way, say to yourself, “There’s more for me out there”. That’s all.
- The most important aspect of the practice of grateful living is trust in life.
- If your boss gives you feedback that you don’t agree with, pause before reacting. Take a moment to think, What can I learn from this moment? Then look for gratitude.
- It’s far better to express your gratitude in specific terms. The minute we are given even incrementally more detailed gratitude, the better we feel.
- Kindness –and the gratitude that follows– has a ripple effect.
- When you are part of a kindness-gratitude exchange, you will inevitably find yourself on the receiving of gratitude.
- To receive gratitude with humility, start by thanking the person for noticing. Appreciate their attention and their intention. Look for a good quality in the other person and return the compliment. Then take the gratitude you are given as an opportunity to be grateful to your teachers.
- When we make the effort to connect with those around us, we create opportunities for gratitude instead of languishing in anonymity.
- The salt is the pain of life. It is constant, but if you put it in a small glass, it tastes bitter. If you put it in a lake, you can’t taste it. Expand your senses, expand your world, and the pain will diminish. Don’t be the glass. Become the lake.
- Monks don’t have an official stance on trauma, but the focus is always on healing the internal before dealing with the external. In your own pace, at your own time.
- Embrace gratitude through daily practice and through action
Relationships: People Watching
- What gives the tree resilience is that its roots spread widely
- Love is like a circle. Whatever love you give out, it always comes back to you. The problem lies with your expectations. You assume the love you receive will come from the person you gave it to.
- Our lack of gratitude in what makes us feel unloved.
- Monks believe different people serve different purposes, with each role contributing to our growth in its own way
- The four types of trust
- Competence: the person has the right skills to solve your issue. They are an expert or authority in their area
- Care: they care about your well-being & what’s best for you, not your success
- Character: people with a strong moral compass & uncompromising values
- Consistency: reliable, present, & available when you need them.
- We learn more from behaviours than promises
- Use the four types of trust to understand why you are attracted to a person and whether you are likely to connect as a friend, a colleague, or a romantic partner. Ask yourself, what is my genuine intention for getting involved in this relationship?
- We tend to expect every person to be a complete package, giving us everything we need. This is setting the bar impossibly high.
- When someone doesn’t have one or more of the four types, realize that you can still benefit from having them in your life.
- You should be at least as attentive to what you can offer the people around you.
- We should have the same standards for our family as we do for everyone else
- “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime” Jean Dominique Martin
- Truth is about intentions, not abilities
- If the seed of trust is not planted effectively in the beginning, we grow a weed of mistrust and betrayal
- Stages of trust
- Neutral: positive qualities exist that don’t merit trust
- Contractual: I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine!
- Mutual: help goes both ways–you know that you’ll be there for one another in the future.
- Pure: no matter what happens you’ll have one another’s back
- I want you to feel grateful for the people you can trust and to feel honoured by those who trust you.
- Relationships rarely get to a point where both participants can say, “I absolutely know this person and they absolutely know me”
- The purpose behind giving up romantic relationships is to save the effort and energy that went into being validated in a romantic relationship and to use it to build a relationship with ourselves.
- Imagine if you could buy time spent back to yourself
- Give yourself the opportunity to become the person you would want to date
- Primary motivations for connections
- Physical attraction
- Material attraction
- Intellectual attraction
- Emotional attraction
- Spiritual attraction
- A monk shows love through presence and attention
- Think like monks do, in terms of energy management not time management. Are you bringing your full presence and attention to someone?
- Six loving exchanges
- Giving with intention
- Receiving with gratitude
- Listening without judgment
- Speaking with vulnerability
- Preparing without agenda
- Receiving with presence
- With the encouragement of online quizzes and dating apps, we list the characteristics we want in a partner, but we don’t look at what we really need. How do we want to be cared for? What makes us feel loved?
- If you don’t know what you want, you’ll send out the wrong signals and attract the wrong people. If you aren’t self-aware, you’ll look for the wrong qualities and choose the wrong people.
- Until you understand yourself, you won’t be ready for love.
- Nobody completes you. You’re not half. You don’t have to be perfect, but you have to come to a place of giving. Instead of draining anyone else, you’re nourishing them
- Happiness comes when we are learning, progressing and achieving.
- There is a difference between being grateful for what you have and settling for less than you deserve
- In every relationship you have the opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you will accept
- Your value doesn’t depend on someone’s ability to fully appreciate you
- the monk way is to build awareness, address and amend
###Service: Plant Trees Under Whose Shade You Do Not Plan to Sit
- Without a plan, the first thing we feel is fear, which provokes us to do whatever it takes to survive.
- Opening our hearts and souls encourages others to do the same.
- The highest purpose is to live in service
- Monks live in service, and to think like a monk ultimately means to serve.
- We are nature, and if we look at and observe nature carefully, nature is always serving.
- It’s not wrong to have things if we use them for good.
- Just as Mandela believed people were born to love but taught to hate, monks believe that we are born to serve, but the distractions of the external world make us forget our purpose.
- Studies show that when we pursue compassionate goals, we’re less likely to have symptoms of anxiety and depression than when we focus on improving or protecting our own status or reputation
- Benefits of service
- Services connects us
- Service amplifies gratitude
- Service builds self-esteem
- Service to humanity is the higher goal
- True service doesn’t expect or even want anything in return. Nonetheless, the service itself often yields happiness.
- We can heal our mental challenges by helping others with their physical needs. Service, therefore is a reciprocal exchange.
- When we are in service, we are an instrument of grace and compassion.
- Ideally for all of us, there is no us and them
- Here’s the life hack: service is always the answer.
- When you are living in service, you don’t have time to complain and criticise
- When you’re living in service, your fears go away
- When you’re living in service, you feel grateful. Your material attachment diminish.
- Service is the direct path to a meaningful life
### Meditation: Chant
- Where affirmations change the way you speak to yourself, mantras change the way you speak to the universe
- The vibration from om have been shown to stimulate the vagus nerve, which decreases inflammation.
The externals will never be perfect, and the goal isn't perfection. Life is not going to go your way. You have to go your way and take life with you.
When you fail don’t judge the process and don’t judge yourself. Give yourself latitude to recover and return to a flexible focus on what you want. The world isn’t with you or against you. You create your own reality in every moment
There is no measure of success, no goal, and no end to a meditation practice. Don’t look for results. Just keep doing it. Practice consistently for four to twelve weeks, and you’ll start to notice the effects
Effects of meditation
You’ll miss it if you take a break.
Increased awareness of what’s going on in your mind.
Though you won’t emerge feeling calm and perfect every time, you’ll gradually acquire a long-term mastery of self.
- Imagine how rewarding it will be to look back on a life where you have been a teacher while remaining a student
- Working on ourselves is an unending practice. Have patience.
- Sustaining the monk mindset requires self-awareness, discipline, diligence, focus, and constant practice. It is hard work, but the tools are already in your head, heart and hands. You have all you need to think like a monk.
- Disable your autopilot to see yourself and the work around you with new eyes.
Me gustaría agradecerle a Jay Shetty de alguna forma el hecho de haber compartido tanta sabiduría conmigo, y con las personas que leen esto. Y no encuentro mejor forma de agradecerle que dejándoles los links de compra acá abajo. Les recomendaría mucho comprarlo, vale mucho la pena (no recibo nada por que den click en esos links).